Today I am thankful for good friends and family who were there for me today when I needed it most.
We got a phone call yesterday about a little boy who might be a good match for us. My heart was racing, I was beyond anxious to review his file, couldn't wait to see my husband and look at the file together. We saw a beautiful 10 month old baby boy, but we didn't see our Gus. To describe this is really difficult. We had to make our preliminary decision by end of day. I'm not sure what I was "expecting" to feel. Was it a lightning strike kind of moment, was it a quiet peace that overwhelmed me, was it clear that he was meant to be ours? I prayed and prayed.
My head was doubting, my heart wasn't responding as I was longing for. Why? I don't have a concrete answer.
My husband and I both felt the same way, but yet we had to ask ourselves "are we just afraid to say yes?" "why isn't HE the right one?" "we prayed about a younger toddler, we had one right at our hands" , and yet we made the decision to let him go and pray he finds his forever family.
I made the difficult phone call today to our agency to say that we are passing on that file. There was silence on the other end, which made me feel even worse. What is she thinking? Does she think we made terrible decision? What?
She assured me (after her delayed response) that there must be a reason and it's ok. God is preparing our little Gus to meet us at just the right time. It didn't make it easier, but I felt a sense of peace in our decision as sad as that may sound. (letting go and yet having peace beyond understanding in that moment).
So, we continue to wait for our little boy .
Prayer warriors: Please pray for our hearts to rest in the promise of God's incredible plan and timing. Pray we will just know when we review the next file(s). Someone told me today that God may have someone totally different in mind than what we were possibly expecting, and that we need to allow His plan to unfold and trust that He knows, even if we don't.
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